Part One (by Ryan James)
Cap'n
Crunch stood on the bow of his ship and looked out over the vast milk
ocean. Perhaps he had been a little hard on his first mate, the tiger
named Tony. After the nighttime attack on their vessel by that scoundrel
the dreaded Count Chocula, Crunch had been a bit more tense than
normal. However, despite what Tony insisted, things were far from
"grrreat!" The ship which had suffered a tremendous amount of damage in
the attack, was taking on milk at an alarming rate, and there was talk
amongst the crew of mutiny. How had it come to this, Crunch reflected
bitterly. It was all because of that silly rabbit and his stubborn
refusal to believe that tricks had always been and forever would be, for
kids. But that rabbit had funded this damn fool mission to recover
those tricks and now, Crunch thought, the fate of an entire empire
rested in his hands and those of his crew. He had failed.
Just then, from above, a cry came from the lookout post.
"LAND!"
Crunch
squinted his eyes and sure enough out in the distance, rising out of
the mists was a small island. His spirits rose and for the first time in
days, Crunch felt as though they all might make it through this alive.
There was jubilation coming from all around him, even poor, daft
Frankenberry was coming out of his stupor. It seemed to take forever,
the approach to this land mass, the sea tossing them about like so much
crispix.
Suddenly a wail of sorrow came from the crowd.
"It's only a marshmallow!"
And
it was. The horror of that realization sunk in all too quickly for the
Cap'n. It was only a marshmallow. They would all die in a brightly
colored syrupy goo. Like he had always imagined he would. It was almost
poetic. A tear formed in the corner of the Cap'n's eye. It ran down his
face and he tasted it. It tasted of crunchberries.
Part Two (by Matthew Mullins)
The
day after the marshmallow incident, what were left of the crew was less than a well-balanced group. They were hardened by the open air
and stale in temperament.
The first mate, Tony the Tiger wasn't quite so 'grrrrreat'
as usual. The deck mates, Snap, Crackle and Pop, (always a noisy bunch)
fell silent as a light sugary rain fell upon them. They all wondered if
the captains expiration date had finally come.
If so, it was time
to go back to the farm and work in the general mill. The crew getting
tired of the ships doomed voyage had literally snapped,cracked a bit,
and popped. Maybe it would be better for them to return to their former
jobs.
Snap could go back to his job as editor of the famous magazine the
Gay Post. Crack could go back to laundering money and drug dealing with
uncle Eskimo Bar. Pop could go back to doing what he does best, killing
asian mob members with his empire of men, dubbed, "The Rice Krispies".
While Tony who was a waiter, could go back to serving those Frosted
Flakes in L.A. No matter what, they all hoped the captain would pull
through.
Toucan Sam flew onto the Crunch's shoulder. "Follow
your nose Captain! It always knows! Its the only way!" The Captain
breathed in deeply......... it smelled like shit! Then he saw Toucan Sam
left him a gift on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Captain, too many fruit
loops." The Captain wiped off his shoulder and inhaled deeply. He
smelled something charming...but what could it be?
Just then a leprechaun appeared and smiled at the Captain. "Go straight ahead,
forget that silly rabbit and his Trix and I'll show you treasures
undreamed off. Red Hearts, Purple Horseshoes, Green Clovers, Blue
Diamonds, all in beautiful lucky land, full of others like you, who
learned of the wonders of our people." The Captain sailed on as the leprechaun suggested.
As they pulled into a bay, the Capt'n smiled at
the leprechaun when he saw a beautiful land full of all the promised
treasures. They docked at the pier and unbounded the ship. Everyone ran
into the fields and started gathering treasures. The Captain had 10
purple horseshoes, Tony was screaming of his grrreatness as he gathered
15 blue diamonds, snap crackle and pop had eaten 7 red hearts,and picked
14 green clovers!
The leprechaun gasped in horror and became
furious! He whistled and out came thousands of leprechauns!
"They're
after me lucky charms,' he shouted.
With a large battle cry, the leprechauns began eating the Captain and his crew whilst dousing them in
milk under a full rainbow of blood.... Within seconds the crew was
devoured completely. Tony was no longer quite so grrreat and was nothing
but a mushy pulp on the clover. Snap, Crackle and Pop finally lived up to
their names, and the Captain had dissolved into a soggy mess. A sad fate for
the crew of the U.S.S. Serial K.
The Leprechaun smiled evilly as
Toucan Sam flew down upon his shoulder. The Leprechaun pulled off one of
his rings of magical fruit and gave it to the eager loop addict, Toucan
Sam. His master was satisfied with his work as usual.
"They're always after my lucky Charms." He laughed menacingly. The only
part of slight imperfection was that the captain had the roof of his
mouth slightly torn up from his stubborn crunchiness.
The End
First published on LiveJournal in 2006
Tuxedomoon started making music in the late 70's at the beginning what was considered the Punk Rock Movement. Frontmen, Steve Brown and Blaine L. Reininger, used
electronic violins, guitars, and synthesizers to
develop a signature sound, calling the style "cabaret no-wave.' With harsh vocals on top of the music, they are well respected as pioneers of their sound.
